Sep 22

Thoughts on Marriage Equality and the vote

General 15 Comments »

What a week I’ve had.  What a month it’s been.  It’s Saturday morning and I’m sitting out on the deck thinking about all that’s happened.  I wonder just how people survive at times.  There is such a swirl of feelings and emotions going on all the time for me as I struggle to make sense of all that’s happening.

A hectic week at work as I pick up the pieces after a couple of weeks off.  I’m at the pointy end of a couple of major projects, which is a great feeling.  All the planning and research that at times is tedious and difficult finally pays off and I’m at a stage of making in one project, a really well-informed decision.  That’s good. The addition of another contract has set off a whole raft of events that needs my focus, so at the end of a mammoth work week my head is spinning. It’s not so much daunting, it’s more along the lines of mixing in the new project with the old and giving them all the right attention.

In my personal life I’m listening to and supporting the mother of my children as she continues to live with her terminal cancer.  It’s a challenge. I’ll do what’s needed to take care of her.  Nobody deserves such a rough end.  When it’s someone you love and care about, that makes it all the more difficult.

After four years, Michael and I continue to co-habit in a wonderful life together, we at times struggle with each other, but somewhere within us is a deep love and respect for each other.  It helps us sort out our relationship.  It also helps that he has gorgeous brown eyes and a winning smile.

Looking back a bit further, I’ve reeled in horror at the outrageous demonisation of my sexuality and therefore me by Wallace at the ACL, and then heard that reinforced by Jensen on Q&A – it’s been really demoralising to hear such vile words repeated often in the media, making it sound like all people who are gay are a health risk, not just to themselves, but to society at large.  The underlying and unsaid meaning coming from the likes of Wallace and Jensen is that gay people are not worthy of life.  Certainly not worthy of any recognition in our society.

It was heart warming to see the PM pull out of her keynote speech to the ACL, Gillard is against marriage equality, so for her to withdraw her support from the ACL was gratifying and appeared to be supportive.  I took it as a glimmer of hope.

The other big story of course, is the vote in both houses of the Australian Parliament.  It saw two marriage equality bills soundly defeated.  Further cementing the feeling of second class citizen status in my own country.  Somehow my relationship isn’t worthy of recognition.

What a week.

I know my worth as a person, I get on with my job and I’m pretty sure I’m a valued and respected member of the team at work.  I know that my adult children love me and we enjoy each others company.  I have a good network of friends that seek me out.  My partner (but not husband) loves me and I revel in our relationship.  Overall, I’m a fairly well-adjusted person, contributing to the lives of those around me, contributing to my society and to the broader Australian community.

The marriage equality debates in the Parliament have had a profound effect on me.  It’s not that I expected a different result. I don’t think there were too many people who thought that there would be any change.  But I did have hope.  It was with eager anticipation that I watched the House of Representative vote on the legislation.  There was always an outside chance I thought, that our elected members would actually do the right thing on this.

I caught up with the speeches in the Senate at the end of each day, watching the senators and reading their words. There were some wonderful supportive thoughts.  But there were also some ugly speeches that showed an underlying contempt for homosexuals and where in some people’s minds gay people belong.  Cory Bernardi’s speech is an example of where his thinking is, and typical of the religious response to marriage equality.  In his speech he links homosexuality with bestiality.  In the bible there is a passage that links homosexuality with bestiality and calls it an abomination and a perversion.  Religion over the years has been unable to see past that.  To the minds of many believers that puts the two issues on the same level.  Bernardi’s attempts to suggest he has been taken out of context is to overlook the basis for his slippery slope argument.  The link has been long-established and religion is to blame.  It’s why they always look like a rabbit caught in the headlights when somebody takes them to task about it.  Just below their surprise you can see the internal cogs slipping as they try to understand why nobody else has read that passage in the bible.

Then there are the detestable words of Senator Boswell that should upset all men and women, regardless of sexuality.

Same-sex marriage says that a mother or a father does not matter to a child—and it does. Two mothers or two fathers cannot raise a child properly. Who takes a boy to football? Who tells him what is right from wrong? What does he do—go along with the two mums? How does he go camping and fishing? Yes, there might be some attempt by one of the mothers to fill in as a father figure but it will not work. It is defying nature. And what about a young girl changing from a teenager into a young woman? Is it fair to say to her, ‘You don’t have a mother; your mother can’t take you shopping’ or to not be able to help her understand how her body is changing? What are we trying to do here? Why are we trying to defy what has been the right thing for hundreds of thousands of years? What suddenly gives us the inspiration to think that we can have gay marriage and it will not affect anyone?

 As I look back at my child-raising days, I’ve been there for my daughter through her changing from ‘a young girl’ and helped her understand how her body works.  I did it without being a woman!
The words of Senator Brandis make me wonder how he lives inside his head:
discrimination against people on the grounds of their sexuality is always wrong, but it does not follow from that proposition that every institution in society, for that reason, must be redefined.
 On one hand he acknowledges that discrimination is wrong, but on the other it’s ok.
Senator Joyce from Queensland has some very odd views, way outside my level of understanding of conservatism.  He says this in his speech:
 If you want to be married, because of the requirements of nature, it involves a male and a female connection for the hope and possibility of having children. You cannot do it with a male and a male. You cannot do it with a female and a female. It is just not possible. The institution of marriage stands ultimately behind the reality of nature. It does not matter what piece of legislation we pass; you cannot change nature. You cannot change that reality. But what we can do is go down a path of a new form of social engineering—about which we really have no idea of the consequences
 Well, marriage is a human construct, nature has no requirements as such.  Gay couples also enjoy a connection for the hope of having children.  And yes, two men or two women can have children, it’s true that they can’t physically conceive them as a couple, but they can and they do have children.  Always have, and will continue to find ways to do it.  Marriage has nothing to do with nature and everything to do with humans setting their own rules.  It’s our rule.  His underlying notion is that to allow gay people to have a family would mean that every family would have to have same-sex parents at its head.  What a crock.  Nothing changes as the Australian society already has same-sex couples raising children in marriage like families.  It’s a reality, and last time I checked, reality was not on the blink.

I didn’t see the Senate vote, but I did watch the vote in the House of Reps.  It’s not every day you see Tony Abbott and Julia Gillard vote together.  I was stunned to see most of the Labor Party stand up and move to the other side of the chamber to vote with the Liberal Party to stop this bill.  Despite the Labor Party having a party platform that is in support of marriage equality, most of them crossed the floor and voted with the Liberal Party.

The image of Julia Gillard and most of her cabinet sitting there with the Opposition, smiling and talking, laughing will stick with me. Here I am watching my Parliament take a decision about my rights as a human and they are laughing.  It seem to lack any sort of dignity.  It was simply another function to perform without any real understanding of the impact that it would have on the people who it affects.

All the words of support and the standing up for us against the likes of Jensen, the ACL and Senator Bernadi are wiped away in a few minutes.   All the talk about stopping discrimination and accepting gay people vanish.

The majority rules.  They’re happy that they’ve done what they can, passed 80 odd bits of legislation to correct some discrimination, you know, stuff around property rights, medical rights, financial rights. Purely functional things. But they can’t vote in favour of the most fundamental right, that of love.  That of marriage.

It’s been a couple of sad days.

I feel gutted, cheated and demoralised.  I mean that.

I am determined and I won’t give up.

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Aug 19

Grampians Retreat

Travels 4 Comments »

In the middle of a cold Victorian winter, I have a week off, so Michael and I headed to the Grampians.  One of my favourite places in the world.

Leaving Caitlin and Tomas at home in Melbourne, with Shadforth Wilbury Sheep tucked away, coffee and stove, we headed westwards, though Ballarat, Ararat and finally Halls Gap.

DSC_4977.JPG It was late in the day by the time we arrived, I could feel the stress melt away as we rounded the bend into the little township.  Halls Gap is a rather timeless place.  It’s pretty much the same now as it was in the 70’s when I first started visiting it.  The little main street has the same shops, although now there is a new area down by the creek.  I’m pretty sure that the same family has been running the newsagency for well over 40 years.

We’re staying at Boronia Peaks Villas.  The one bedroom self-contained unit is a bit tired after years of use, but it’s comfortable and warm.

We made the short trip to Lake Bellfield. Over many years the lake has been fairly empty.  In fact, when Michael and I first came to the Grampians we where able to drive a fair distance into the lake reserve. Now however the lake is full.  The trees that we walked amongst before are now dead and underwater.

The dry lake

 

The full lake

As we walked along the bank listening to the sound of the bush, feeling very satisfied to be among the trees hearing the many bird calls.

DSC_4924.JPG We continued along the road to Borough Huts, there were no campers, we drove around the camping area, watching some wallabies and kangaroos.

The Swamp Wallaby is very distinctive with its dash of red on its head and it’s darker hands and feet.  We watched for a while as the wallaby grazed on the grass, unfussed by the two humans in their little blue car.

A major reason for me coming to the Grampians is mountains.  I like to get to the top of them.  The first was Boronia Peak.  It’s a pretty small peak about a 3 hour walk above Halls Gap.  The track takes us over Fyans Creek, it’s looking pretty disgusting, and we slowly start to climb up and find ourselves on a fire trail that runs parallel to the creek.  It doesn’t take long before we’re diverted off the wide sandy track onto a narrow winding trail that begins to climb steadily upwards. The track is sandy and rocky, behind us is the valley and then beyond that is the Serra Range, as we continue up we begin to head northwards until we get to the end of the little range we’re on.  The track then swings around southwards and we continue to climb.  We’re both not as fit as we’d like to be and the sweat is pouring off us.  DSC_4990.JPG There’s a few other people on the trail, most of them heading down and giving us words of encouragement.  I’m tempted to throw rocks at them.  As we head southwards the view to the east is of Lake Fyans and Stawell.  Mostly farm land.  Gradually the sand gives way to more rocks, less trees and a clay track of red.

Finally we reach the summit and with a spring in my step I jump across the rocks and perch myself on the top and soak up the view.

This is where I need to be.  On the top of a mountain.  Removed from my everyday environment.  I love it.  I catch myself grinning as I survey the view of the Grampians.  I feel I know them so well.  Mount Difficult Range to my north, the Mount William Range to the south, and across the valley floor is the Serra Range and the Wonderland range.  I can see Stawell to the east sitting out among the trees on what seems to be the flat plains of the Wimmera.

DSC_5002.JPG Now for something new.  There is always some place in the area that I haven’t been to.  We visited two places that I hadn’t seen before, both near Stawell, which to be fair is just outside the Grampians, so no surprises that I didn’t know about them.  The first stop was the Deep Lead Nature Conservation Reserve.  This lightly wooded forest has some significant eucalyptus trees.  We did a short walk around the reserve.  The reserve is a place where the locals bring their dogs to roam freely around.  I’m not sure I think that’s a good idea as the area is supposed to have some endangered species and some plant life of interest.

It was a short drive then to another new place for me.  The Black Range Scenic Reserve.  I found this a bit confusing, because I know there is another Black Range on the other side of the Grampians, near Cavendish and Balmoral. This new Black Range is a small outcrop of rocky hills.  Just a short walk from the car park is a shelter. In that shelter is some rock art.  The Aboriginal art is of their god, Bunjil. Bunjil is the creator deity of the Boonwerung people. The age of the art work is unknown and over the years since the Europeans arrived, it’s been painted over and vandalised.  It wasn’t until the 1960’s that a fence was placed around it to offer some protection.

The painting is of Bunjil and two dingoes.  It’s hidden in a small hollow at the base of a huge rock.  It’s unfortunate that it has to be protected by a cage to keep people away.  I did enjoy the moment of gazing at this image that may have been here for hundreds of thousands of years, painted by people who have long gone from this area.

DSC_5005.JPG Leaving the shelter, we headed up to the top of the small hill.  As we walked I caught glimpses of the Grampians out to the west.

Here at the top was another moment for me.  I could see Mount William, the Major Mitchell Plateau  and the Mt William Range. I hadn’t seen this view before.  It was late in the day and a bit chilly.  However, I wanted to sit and look at the scene before me. Again, soaking up the time and the place.  This feels like home to me.

Our evenings consist of lighting a fire in the open fire-place in the cabin, we watch a bit of TV. Sometimes we went out to one of the many local restaurants, and sometimes we ate in. It was always a relaxing end to the days activities.

DSC_5048.JPG A visit to MacKenzie’s falls was in order. It had been a number of years since I’d been there.  We drove over the mountains to the falls.  Much has changed here.  Gone is the little bush track I used to walk along to get there.  Instead we have a big car park with a kiosk, picnic tables and mowed lawns.

We begin the descent into the valley.  I can hear the roar of the water. It doesn’t take long before we are at the base of the falls. Michael takes lots of photos and I explore the area.  As I cross the little creek I stand on wet slippery rocks.  From here, with my face to the falls I can feel the spray of water as it crashes into the pool.  This generates a wind and I’m directly in its path as it comes up from the surface of the water and rushes past me.  A sweet smell, covering me in a fine mist as the trees behind me rustle in this local wind.

DSC_5087.JPG After we’ve been somewhere like this a cup of coffee is in needed.  We drive around and find a scenic spot to set up my little camp stove – a single burner gas ring.  I pop my espresso coffee pot on it and brew up a cup.  This trip we get a locally made small loaf of multi-grain bread each morning.  It’s great for our afternoon snack, lightly toasted and spread with local honey. This little ritual quite often happens as the sun dips below the mountains, so in the cool of the evening, there’s still an hour of daylight left as we huddle together and sip coffee, eat toast and listen to the settling noises of the bush.

While there in Halls Gap I take the chance to do some walking of my own.  Early in the morning while Michael is still sleeping I get up and rug up and walk along the creek.  It’s very cold, sitting on 0°.  There’s frost on the grass and it crunches as I walk over it.  A fog hangs over the mountain tops as the first ray of sunlight hits the red rocky outcrops high above me making them glow.  I’m surrounded by grazing kangaroos, flighty emus and ducks. The air is still with the sounds of kookaburras, galahs and cockatoos.

DSC_5033.JPG This is my spiritual home.  This is where the batteries get re-charged.  My life exists of running from one job to another.  I sit at a desk looking at computer screens, I go home and look at computer screens or watch the TV screen.  I go to bed and read on my tablet, I sit on the toilet and look at my phone.  I’m surrounded by the technology.  I love it.  I really enjoy that.  My mind is continually challenged by what I read and see on my technological devices.

I also enjoy this.  I enjoy being surrounded by mountains, I enjoy the sounds of nature.  The smells of the bush.  I enjoy the sights I see before me.  I am one with the world.  I am at peace.

Michael takes great photos. Be sure to check out the galleries on line. Click any of the photos above to see them in all their glory.

Below are the galleries.

Wildlife – Swamp Wallabies, Emus and Kangaroos

Boronia Peak Walk

Bunjil Shelter

MacKenzie Falls

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Aug 12

A Wow Day!

General 2 Comments »

There are some days that I get to the end of and go wow.

Yesterday was one of those days that had a great many wow things for me that made me appreciate what I have and appreciate those whose lives I interact with.

The morning started with a meeting with Anna Burke, the Federal Member for Chisholm.  Anna is Michael’s representative, and she was doing a meet and greet with her constituents on the street.

Saturday was a cold, wet and windy day.  A few people braved the elements to have a chat with Anna, and it wasn’t long before our turn arrived.  In a couple of words Anna guessed that we where there to talk about ‘gay marriage’.  Well, not really.  We were there to talk about our families.    Anna was forthright and honest in her interaction with us.  She’s a very good politician.  She sympathised with us, told us about her stance and how in her electorate she has more christians talking to her about opposing marriage equality than she does have gay couples talking in favour of it.  It seems pretty clear in her mind that the majority of her constituents are not in favour of marriage equality, and that’s her stance.  The majority rules.  I did point out to her that it wouldn’t be the first time that the government did something that didn’t have majority support.  Be sure to check out Michael’s blog about the meeting.

Then it was on to brunch with our good friend Daniel.  Daniel has a 18 month old son, Rupert.  We sat and talked about our lives and what’s going on in them.  Rupert was gorgeous.  It’s great to see a dad and his son out together, sharing life.  It was all too short for my liking before we had to part ways and move on to the next part of the day.

It was the Equal Love Rally, starting at the State Library.  I’ve been to many of these over the past 8 years since the Federal Parliament changed the marriage act to say that marriage was between one man and one woman.  Both the major parties supported this change, the Liberals and the Labor party should hang their heads in shame.  There were all the standard speeches, Doug Pollard gave a great talk.

However, what made this one special was the people that were there.

DSC_5876.JPG Michael’s parents, Naomi and Merv came along as a show of support.  It was fantastic to have them with us, watching and listening.  Merv and Naomi are a great couple, to have them acknowledge not just their son Michael, but also me and our relationship in such a way makes me extremely happy.

Then there was Jim.  A Facebook friend who has seen the insanity of the discrimination against gay people and taken a stance.  He was at the rally with his son and his signs.  Jim, on the Facebook Group Proud to be a Second Class Citizen had this to say:

As a hetero bloke supporting the cause I was very well received, but I wasn’t there for kudos, I’m just an old left wing radical and love supporting the downtrodden.

DSC_5779.JPGWell kudos to you Jim.  Your support is well received.  I was delighted when I was standing there chatting to Jim when a man with a child on his hip approached Jim and expressed to him how great it was to have his support and how he wished there were more people like Jim in the world.  It was unexpected and deeply satisfying to hear those words spoken from one human to another.  The world needs more people just like this.

Jim goes on to say:

I met some wonderful people who helped to fulfill my life. And I hope I added a little to the cause.

Jim helps to make a difference by taking the time to be there.  He took the time to make a sign and proudly walked amongst the crowd.  He even did it despite the weather!  Now that’s dedication.

Thanks Jim.

You, Merv and Naomi help to make my day.

After the rally we made our way home.  Time for a nibble and a bit of a rest.  During that time my two children, Caitlin and Tomas were busy getting ready for a 21st party.  They both were dressed up and looking the part!  I can’t believe that my two adult children are grown up and taking charge of their lives.  Taking themselves off to celebrate with friends, looking very dapper, handsome and pretty.  Despite living with their gay dad and his gay partner in an unmarried household they turned out all right.  Although I’m a bit worried about Tomas’ need to wear braces.

It says Gregroy instead of Gregory

The next part of my wow day was my birthday dinner.  Michael had arranged a surprise dinner restaurant, and I happily followed him towards St Patrick’s catholic cathedral, thinking perhaps we had a dinner date with a bishop.  Luckily the Park Hyatt loomed before the church and I found myself sitting in the Radii Restaurant.  I was treated to some of the best food Melbourne has to offer in a wonderful surrounding.  We had the degustation menu, six courses with matching wines.  The highlight for me would have to me the sugar cured ocean trout and the tapenade crusted lamb.  The service was top notch and the food was melt in your mouth yummy.  The wine, well, what can I say.  I may have to reconsider my blanket ban on sauvignon blanc.  What really made the whole experience worth while was the company.  I was sitting with the man I love.  We were relaxed and engaged with each other.  Enjoying yet another experience together.  This man that has come into my life has really changed me.  To be with him is as good as it gets.

The final part of our night out together was a magical trip down Bennetts Lane.  I had no idea such places existed.  We walked from the restaurant to the Bennetts Lane Jazz Club.  Down Little Lonsdale Street and then down a narrow lane way.  We walked along with others into this deadend street, and there at the end is a sign pointing to a little doorway.  We went in to discover a club full of life and atmosphere.  There was excitement in the air and people enjoying each others company.  We found a seat in the crowed area and in a bit Tim Freedman appeared and started to sing.

The man and his piano.  Making music.  Such terrific entertainment from a very talented man.  Playing his music to a small and appreciative audience.  He interacted with us, made us laugh and allowed us to sing along with him.

That’s my wow day.  That’s why my life is worth living now, not waiting for something better.

I can’t finish this entry without thinking about my mother.  She died recently.  That happens to all of us.  As I sat with Michael enjoying a Huon salmon fillet it occurred to me that for the first time in my 49 years of life, my mother wouldn’t be wishing me a happy birthday. There would be no phone call and no card.  I can’t even type those words without a profound sense of loss.

That moment does not diminish the day I have, it adds to my wow day.  I have been surrounded by people who bring different things to my life.  Thanks people.

Michael and I ended the day perfectly.

The Equal Love Rally, Michael takes such wonder photographs.

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Jun 07

Wallace and the Nazis – It has to stop

General 15 Comments »

Well, now I’m all worked up.

This morning I got home from the gym, and over a cup of coffee I watched Jim Wallace from the Australian Christian Lobby and Kerryn Phelps, a gay rights activist have a debate on Seven’s Sunrise.

You can see it here:

During the debate Wallace begins to make a statement to compare the marriage equality movement to the Nazis of WWII, he says this:

I would like to just say that I think this whole campaign would do great credit to Joseph Goebbels, because what we’ve had, we’ve had the demonisation

To his credit, Kosh, Seven’s Sunrise presenter, prevents him from continuing that line of thought.  But it’s too late, the words have been released and we get a glimpse at the true thoughts of an organisation the purports to show true christian values.

It’s easy to say that I shouldn’t get upset by these comments.  However, the demonisation of gay people continues unabated in this country because the likes of Wallace are permitted to continue to speak out in such a reprehensible way.  That’s not to say that I think he or the ACL should be gagged.  However, the ACL does not represent all christians, in fact they probably represent very few christians.  The media continue to call upon them as though they represent the whole of christianity in Australia.  It’s near impossible to find out just how much support they have.  In these days of modern communication everyone can pretend to be a big organisation with hundreds of thousands of supporters.

The media make Wallace the ‘go to person’ for comment on these matters, it reminds me of how they always asked for Bruce Ruxton’s opinion.  You are always sure to upset people and drive your audience up.  However, the ACL deserve as much media attention as the likes of Muehlenberg or Nalliah.  That is, very little.

And it’s not just him.

Today Bob Katter on “The Circle” on Ten said that the whole issue of marriage equality was irrelevant, this is despite just 39% of his electorate being against marriage equality.  He said that in his 39 years in Parliament only one person had raised the issue with him, he seems to have forgotten the 70 people who protested outside his Mt Isa office last year.

It also seems to have slipped his mind that he didn’t think it was that irrelevant when he stood up before a bunch of christians at Parliament house in August 2011 and said that equality should be ridiculed.

I’ve always known about the Jews and how they were killed during World War II.  Until very recently, I didn’t know any Jews.  Now through Michael I have a much better understanding of what the Holocaust means.  The impact of it is still felt all these years later.   I’ve sat with my partner and read articles and felt his repulsion when the Nazi tag is applied.  I’ve seen how visibly upset and emotional he becomes when we see a movie about the Holocaust.  It’s real.  I can see it, I don’t fully comprehend, but I know.

extreme disappointment and dismay

Is Michael’s rather timid response on the Aleph website.

His personal Facebook pages says this:

Absolutely shattered by the news that Jim Wallace invoked Joseph Goebbels on Sunrise this morning. This is about love and marriage. We are not trying to kill anyone.

To read those words is cutting.  It breaks me up.  I don’t want to see anyone feel such a level of emotional discomfort, and while I can say all the right words, I can not change history.  I can’t change what has happened to all those gay and Jewish people killed for no good reason at the hand of Hitler and Goebbels.

This is sickening beyond belief.  For me, I struggle every time I read another news story that suggest that I’m evil, that I’m a pervert, that I’m not a good parent, all because I’m gay.  As I’ve said so many times, I am resilient.  Michael is also resilient.  He draws from a strength that I’ve seen him use to get himself through some of the most trying times in his ongoing battle with the Jewish establishment.  Others are not so lucky.

It’s for those others that I say to the likes of Wallace and Katter.  Enough is enough.  We are human, we hurt.

Express your point of view, but if your reason for objection is because you think I’m evil, or that Michael or myself are like a Nazi, then you’ve got a serious issue that needs checking.

Go get it checked.

 

 

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Apr 29

Tomas is 18!

family 1 Comment »

It wasn’t too long back when his sister, Caitlin celebrated her 18th birthday.

Tomas reach adulthood in March, and just like I’ve done for every party since their first, we had it at home. Tomas decided not to have a big theme, he wanted everyone just to dress up in formal gear and come along.

I’d prepared a BBQ and plenty to eat.

Tomas and friends

At the party

Tomas friends are quite the eccentric lot.  Perhaps that’s more to do with my perceptions than theirs.  His friends seem to hold Tomas in high regard, and this shows through the interaction between them.  I can see a lot of mutual respect for each other and an openness between them,which is really quite lovely.

We hung some balloons, blu-tacked streamers to the walls, displayed photos, found a suitable range of music, dimmed the lights, spread the food, and got the slide show running.

I’d scanned many images of Tomas from the last 18 years, he was born in that time just before the invention of the digital camera!  Before the party started we watched the slide show on the TV, we laughed a little.  The photos show a young lad that has always been ‘out there’. We passed over a shot of Tomas sitting naked on the toilet, talking on the telephone, everything in full view.  It was only just before the party started that Tomas thought better of actually having his 3-year-old bits on display, so we deleted that one.  I wanted to leave it in!  Perhaps I’ll keep it for his 21st.

Jennie was there, she has always set herself little goals of being at something. It’s her way of snubbing her cancer, she won’t let it kill her, she has too much to do.  She wants to be about for a birthday, a graduation or to simply see who wins the cooking show on TV.  It’s difficult for her to be there under a great deal of pain.  I admire her stoic approach and it’s good that we make the most of these shared times.

sucking the helium

Story Time

The speeches came and Tomas’ grandparents had a few words, Jennie and Caitlin and then me.  I then had Tomas sit on my knee and with one helium filled balloon each we read “Green Eggs and Ham”.

The party wore on and for reasons that I don’t think I’ll ever understand, the young people congregate in the hallway.  There’s a whole house built around that hallway, with big open spaces, but they insist on sitting with their backs to the wall and chatting there.

Now both my children are 18. Tomas has passed that magic date. I’m looking forward to this new era of our lives.  For awhile now my role as Dad has been to encourage Tomas (and Caitlin) to take charge of their own lives, to make their own decisions. I’ve tried to give subtle guidance, well, at times not so subtle.  Now it’s down to them.

Just last week Michael and I went to the 1st Birthday party of a friend’s son.  I see the journey ahead for Daniel and Sam, along with  Rupert, as they start out on this trip through life.  I’ve just been on that road.   During the speeches at the 1st birthday party I listened as the parents of Rupert explained their wishes and desires for their son as he grows up.  The values that they wish to develop within him, while at the same time leaving plenty of space for Rupert to be his own person.  My journey hasn’t ended, there is still a long way for Tomas and Caitlin to go.  For my part, I hope that I’ve been able to set them up in life with the skills to  take charge of their own lives and be  the person they want to be.

Unfortunately my skills haven’t been able to extend to dishwashing or bedroom cleaning.

More wonderful photos taken by Michael here

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Apr 21

Still no white goods.

General 4 Comments »

April 21st is the day I married Jennie in 1990.

April 21st is the day I registered my relationship with Michael in 2010.

It’s now 2012, two years on.

Those two sentences are still miles apart.  I’m still not able to say I married Michael.

You can see my story of our registration here.

Gregory and Michael

All smiles

I started this blog to write about things in my life, and mostly that’s what I do.  I find that more and more I use it to express my views about equality.  Despite not wanting to marry again, it’s clear to me that I feel very passionately about the right to be treated equally.  I’m not a second class citizen because of my sexuality.

My relationship with Michael continues to grow and develop.  We maneuver our way around each other as we settle  in a life that brings me happiness, joy, frustration, anger, bliss and a deep sense of satisfaction.

It was only a week ago as I stood waiting for Michael that I discovered myself smiling broadly as he came into view.  What is it about the man that a mere five minutes apart makes me beam when I see him again?

I’m delighted to share life with Michael. It’s grouse.

Today only marks the second anniversary of our registration, it’s not a celebration.  If we mark an anniversary, it’s the day that we meet.  We’ll be four years in November.  That’s something to get excited about.

 

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Apr 15

A Kissing Response to Religious Hate

General 19 Comments »

Gregory Storer (Left) Michael Barnett (right)

Michael and I spent the weekend a the Global Atheist Convention, our minds have been stimulated and pushed in all sorts of directions.  It was simply brilliant.

During the lunch break a small group of Islamic fundamentalist appeared to tell us that we were wrong, and atheism is a cancer.

The crowd responded with jeers and chants, surrounded the muslims and engaged in a change of ideas.

Security guards circled them creating a small barrier between the two groups. One woman threw her self against the protesters and was jostled away.

My partner Michael and I took advantage of the moment to kiss in front of the group. We understand that in some Islamic States gay people are persecuted and executed for their sexuality. It was an ideal opportunity to challenge the notion of acceptance and tolerance. As we began kissing, the muslims began chanting, burn in hell.

It’s crazy that in Australia such bigoted homophobia is allowed to exist. It amazes me that these men can hide behind their religion and use it as a weapon to victimise and condemn people without being challenged.

Michael’s blog on the kiss

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Mar 28

A Call for Marriage Equality.

General 7 Comments »

Tonight, on the television, Michael and I got married.

On the TV.  It’s not real.  There’s no legal standing.  I wrote about the TV Show, Adam Hills – In Gordon Street Tonight here.

The response from those around me has been simply amazing.  The amount of happiness and love thrown towards us, and all those with us that got married tonight, has simply been staggering and just a little bit humbling.  (It’s ok, ego still in tact)

Michael and GregoryAt the outset, let me say that I would marry Michael in a heartbeat.  He is the man I want to be with, the man I love and the man I want to share my life with.  I consider myself married already, in my heart I feel a bond that I honour, I really don’t need anyone to tell me that I’m not married, nor do I need anyone to give me their approval.  I simply want the opportunity to express my love for Michael, to show my commitment in anyway we feel best suits us.  Marriage Equality is denied to us for no good reason.

I went into this TV gay marriage thing because I have a point to make.  I’m simply not allowed to have a formal legal recognition to my relationship with Michael.  A relationship that is real, tangible and valid, just like those couples that can get married.

The outpouring of support and emotion that I’ve experienced in the last few weeks makes it pretty clear to me that there is much support. People see the value in allowing marriage equality.  Even though I explain to people that this is a mock wedding, they still see it as something that is desirable, worthy and clearly not under any threat simply because I want to join the ranks of being married.

Michael and I want the right to get married, who knows whether or not we would.  As it stands at present, we can’t.  That seems grossly unfair.

My thanks to everyone that has offered their support, that has shown me their desire to see marriage equality.  Your words, cards, emails, tweets and Facebook messages are very much gratefully accepted.

To the whole team at the ABC, I thank you.  I’ve felt respected and cared for every step of the way.  You’ve given the whole show a feeling of fun and a laugh, but at the same time showing great care and dignity to all of those couples involved.  Well done.

Before it’s too late, take that support and express it to the Government.  Don’t do it for me, but do it because you see the value in treating all Australians as First Class Citizens.  It’s time to click the link and make a submission about Marriage Equality to the Australian Senate Inquiry. This is important to me and to all those in Australia who wish for everyone to be treated with dignity and respect.

Marriage Equality is important. A huge part of the population is denied something for no good reason. I’m happy to stand up and say ‘if I want to get married, let me get married’. Stop telling me what to do.

The time has come.

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Mar 22

Marriage Equality and Human Rights

General 2 Comments »

Michael and I have been talking about marriage equality for some time in our own ways on our blogs, facebook, twitter and face to face.  I’ve been doing my little bit since that fateful day in 2004 when John Howard passed through the Australian Parliament legislation that effectively added discrimination to the marriage act.  It was a deliberate and mean spirited step by him and his government, with the support of the Labor Party to stop people of the same sex from getting married.

Re-writing the marriage act has allowed a whole section of our community to use it as a weapon to decry any attempts to change the law.  It has lead to an increase in intolerance of people of different sexual orientation and identity.  It has lead to an increase in homophobia.

Gregory and MichaelIt would seem to me that the change to the marriage act has had a knock on effect that has rippled its way through our society.  When I hear the cry of those words that Howard inserted “Marriage is between one man and one woman” I cringe.  It’s a phrase that is so thrown around now as if everything that follows it is fully justified.  Few people continue the phrase with “entered into for life to the exclusion of all others” because nobody takes those words seriously.  We all know that we can get a divorce or even have an affair.  (Not that I’m suggesting that’s the case for everyone, I have several people I look at that have been in long term marriages/relationships for decades, I admire them)

For Michael and me it’s not so much about getting married.  It’s about being treated equally.  Michael is acutely  aware of the impact of homophobia to those kids less able to reach out in the orthodox Jewish communities.  He has long championed the cause of those unable to speak out.  Not because he’s directly affected by the intolerance and the hatred, but because he cares.  Deeply.  It is one of those qualities that I admire greatly in my partner and fully support him.

All around the world, homosexuals, transgendered, intersex and bisexuals are discriminated against.  In Australia we have it fairly good by world standards.  When you look at certain nations in Africa, Russia and in the US, it’s clear that there is much work to be done.  In some places not only can you get locked up for being gay, but you could be executed.  In some places, religion is used as a weapon to justify such actions.

Michael and I decided to participate in Adam Hills – In Gordon Street Tonight Big Gay Wedding.  It’s our way of standing up and being counted in a very public way.  I still find it ludicrous in Australia that marriage equality is still an issue.  (There’s two videos below to watch if you like)

I’ve let people know that’s what I’m doing.  I’ve shared it with my family, my friends and at work.  I’ve had plenty of great responses from people, including this one from one of my sisters children (my two nieces)

They were both incredulous at the thought of being told you can’t marry someone …”What do you mean people don’t think men should marry men?! That makes no sense at all!”

And this one from a Facebook friend, Jim Best on the group called Straights with Mates:

Time on the other hand will be your friend as 1. Oldies, who just can’t come to terms with the concept, die off and get replaced by the likes of your nieces, and 2. Blokes like me who probably would have scoffed at the idea five years ago, become more understanding and accepting.

It’s good to see this shift.

The Human Rights Council at the United Nations recently meet to discuss “Violence and Discrimination based on Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity” and the UN Secretary Ban Ki-Moon addressed them.

His speech is moving and important.  He says

To those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, let me say:
You are not alone. Your struggle for an end to violence and discrimination is a shared struggle.
Any attack on you is an attack on the universal values the United Nations and I have sworn to defend and uphold.
Today, I stand with you … and I call upon all countries and people to stand with you, too….
A historic shift is under way. More States see the gravity of the problem….
Tackle the violence… decriminalize consensual same-sex relationships… ban discrimination… and educate the public…

I count on this Council and all people of conscience to make this happen.

The time has come.

Indeed the time has come.  Read the full transcript or watch the video

There’s a challenge in his words for Australians:

Tackle the violence… decriminalize consensual same-sex relationships… ban discrimination… and educate the public.

The time has come to consider the reasons for the ongoing discrimination in Australian society.  It’s time to lift that discrimination.

When I watch this piece from Greys Anatomy

It makes me think of how unjust the world is towards same-sex attracted people.  If you want to know why marriage equality is important, it’s in this little bit of drama from the TV.  It sums it up so well.  The value of the love between two gay men is undermined by a society that frowns up it.  When they need each other, they are kept apart.

My relationship with Michael is one of the greatest things to happen in my life.  We have a wonderful life together and I crave to share my world with him.  My relationship with him does not affect anyone else, it doesn’t change the world.  In fact it makes the world a better place, because two more of its citizens are happy, not only that but a stable relationship helps both of us in our dealings with other people.  We know we have the support of each other and stability helps my children as they have a happy father, and brings peace of mind to Michael’s parents and family as we are in a loving relationship.

Marriage equality is needed, discrimination causes great harm, it’s easy to fix.  Let’s fix it.

The time has come.

Michael and me on Adam Hills In Gordon St Tonight.

 

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Jan 21

Mallacoota at Night

Travels 5 Comments »
  • Michael and I took a four week holiday in August 2011.  We spent our time at Mallacoota in the far east of Victoria.  This is another of my journal entries.  There are others here.

Mallacoota is great during the day, there’s so much beauty all around, but that’s only part of the joy of being somewhere remote.

The world takes on a whole other aspect as the sun sets, and then when it’s dark. We’ve been lucky to be here at a time when the moon is mostly hidden from the night sky. This has let us see some terrific night scenery.

Double Bay Sign

Click to see more great photos by Michael

Let’s start with our trip to the Double Bay nature trail. We’d walked around this very short trail earlier in the day in broad daylight. It’s an interesting walk that follows Double Creek along a valley and into a remnant of rainforest, the track then winds its way upward and into a sparsely wooded area. There’s plenty of evidence of wildlife around. We returned just before the sunset, about 17.45.

We walked around to a seat we’d seen earlier and sat as the sun set and twilight descended. At first it was quiet, but with the increasing gloom the bird life began to settle down for the night. Suddenly the forest erupted into birdsong as each bird laid claim to its roosting spot in the trees. It was near impossible to pick any one bird call among all the sqwarking. The birds were already in the trees when we arrived, so we didn’t get to see to many of them, and those we did were silhouetted against the darkening sky. As it gradually got darker the birds made less noise. The sky was now turning from its daylight blue to black, casting an eerie effect across the forest. The sound of the birds all but dying away was replaced with the noise of insects who starting chirping their nightime songs. Up in the tree tops we could make out a bat flying around in a large circle and beyond that the first stars of the evening began to appear.

All was tranquil now. We sat in the dark listening to the creaks and groans of the forest, until it was completely dark.  There’s plenty of wombat poo around, and I was hoping to see one waddle past, maybe even a possum or small marsupial might scurry along the forest floor.  There were faint sounds, and every now and then, I’d do a sweep of the trees with my torch, but we didn’t say anything apart from fleeting glances of our friendly bat.

After an hour of enjoying this unique experience we grabbed our lights and made our way out.

The Moon

Click to see more great photos by Michael

The night skies here are dark, and it is a great opportunity to get out and do some star gazing. The night we went out at about midnight was cloudless and clear. We headed down to Bastion Point. Nobody else was about, Mallacoota is a real quiet country town in the off season.  The galaxy, and indeed the cosmos was spread out in front of us. From here we are close to the head of the Mallacoota inlet, off in the distance we can see the light house of Gabo Island, we can make out the top of the Howe Range mountains and then the stars.  There’s the sound of waves crashing and every now and then the distinct noise of a hopping kangaroo.  The milky way is in full flight, stretching its hazy light across the sky. I can make out the Southern Cross, which is quite low in the sky, there’s Canopus and Altair. I can make out the constellation of Pegasus and Scorpio. Then the crowning glory of of viewing.  Jupiter.  Low in the eastern sky, the brightest object we can see.  Its just cleared the horizon and is casting its faint, and yet bright light across the water leaving a beam of light  rolling on the waves.  I’ve never seen the beaming light of a planet dance across the water before. We’ve all seen the light of the setting sun or moon across the water, it’s only in a really dark place that you can see reflection of a planet in the water. Simply stunning.

Never to be one far from technology, I have with me my Acer tablet computer, with it I have Google Sky maps, a great addition to star gazing. Long gone are the days of the 1980’s where I had a sky wheel, a cardboard chart to dial up the time of day and time of year to get an approximation of the night sky. Then I’d have to try and handle a torch with red cellophane over the lens to diffuse the light, hold it up to the sky and orientate yourself. Now the tablet app can work out where in the world you are and deliver a pretty good representation of the sky.  I revel in the technology, scanning the night sky with my eyes and comparing it to the chart in my hands.  Finding the names and making out the constellations.  Picking up my binoculars and looking at stars for a different view.

It’s a little damp, and getting a bit chilly.  We have our beanies and gloves on.  The sky is ablaze with light as we talk about our place in this rather overwhelmingly large universe.  It’s a great chance to sit and reflect.

Finally after a couple of hours we called it quits and headed back to the warmth of the inside world, leaving the moon to make its own way across the night sky.

  • Michael takes great photos, be sure to check out his galleries here.

Enjoy these images from his gallery, Double Creek Nature Trail & Gipsy Point.

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