Michael and I were interviewed in December by William Brougham about our activism. I always enjoy an opportunity to express my thoughts about where things are with equal rights and the GLBTI community.
William has a good selection of interviews on his YouTube Channel that is worth working your way through. Many though provoking topics from a range of people.
Be sure to watch the whole 28 minutes here, for me I think one of the key points is the topic of the day, a plebiscite. This is Malcolm Turnbull’s deal with the right from the Abbott Regime. He seems determined to leave Abbott’s ill thought out concept in place at present, I think the whole notion is quite appalling and in the interview I explain why.
In November Michael and I celebrated 7 years together.
What can I say. It didn’t take me very long to discover that Michael is a wonderful man, and after this short space of time, I understood that I wanted him in my life. I love him.
Like all relationships I need to give care and attention to it. I don’t always get it right, but I’m willing to change, adapt and learn from the experience of sharing our lives.
We are a married couple. He is my husband. For me it was important that I find a way to say to my family, my friends, and the rest of the world how important this relationship is to me. What better way to share the way I feel about Michael than a public declaration of my love for him. What better way than marriage to say to this key person what he means to me.
We traveled to New Zealand to get married. It was a quick trip, part of a TV documentary called Living With the Enemy.
That meant we had to share our special event with a fundamentalist priest from the Anglican sect of christianity. I remember him, Father David, many times asking us to explain why it was that we wanted to get married. Michael and I had to let him into our little secret. That we wanted to change the world! We wanted everyone to get gay married. As that seems unlikely it would seem that the reason for our marriage is based upon a mutual love for each other, the desire to share that with our family and community at large, and to say to each other just how important we are in each others lives.
Do you know how much my stomach sinks when I hear talk of a referendum to change the law about marriage. This isn’t about making it legal for me to marry, this is about the conservative government putting a big barrier into the constitution to prevent marriage equality.
That’s just mean. Really mean. To build discrimination into the laws of the land.
That’s what Howard did when he changed the laws in 2004. He didn’t consult the people.
What about a plebiscite? You’re kidding me right? More and more people are saying let’s put it to a vote. Thanks to everyone who has told me that they’d vote for it – but you do realise, I don’t want you to vote in any such plebiscite. Why should my right as a gay man be determined by everyone else.
This has been a shocking week. People rabbiting on about equality, marriage, men and women. It’s distressing, nasty and completely unneeded.
Finally, Liberal Party folk – I don’t give a fuck if you had a respectful debate in your party room.
Sometime ago I was standing in the kitchen, getting ready to go out for my birthday dinner. I was listening to the radio as the vote on changing the marriage act to include “between a man and a woman” was finishing up.
I felt devastated.
Sometime ago I watched the live vote on TV on a marriage equality bill and saw Prime Minister Gillard cross the floor and vote with the Liberal party to maintain the marriage act as is.
I felt devastated.
Sometime tonight I watched as the now Prime Minister said that the marriage act was not going to change and he hinted that he would hold a referendum to protect the current act.
I feel devastated.
It’s my birthday this week.
All I want is to be allowed to be married to the love of my life. The man who I share my life with.
There’s a new anti-marriage equality group in town, apparently the ACL isn’t up to the task of hating the homosexuals enough. Ya!
Doug Pollard at The Stirrer has some good back ground on Marriage Alliance who say that they’re an independent alliance, despite the fact that the key stakeholders are all catholic.
The Alliance has just four questions it would seem:
Should children have the right to know their biological history?
Do we know the impacts of raising our children in a changed society?
Are you happy to have your family redefined as a social unit?
Are we asking the right questions about the proposals to redefine marriage?
Let me get those for you:
Should children have the right to know their biological history?
Yes. Of course. Who is saying that they shouldn’t?
Do we know the impacts of raising our children in a changed society?
Do you mean to ask if we know what happens to kids raised by gay parents? Yes we do. They turn out well-adjusted just like other kids.
Are you happy to have your family redefined as a social unit?
Nobody is redefining your family. As a social unit it will still be there a guess what, families will be just as diverse as they are now.
Are we asking the right questions about the proposals to redefine marriage?
Well yes, I think so. Do you have any real questions?
Until these questions and more are debated and answered, we are not ready to have same sex marriage in Australia.
Actually, these questions have been asked, and more, and answered. We’re ready for marriage equality. So close your website and go back to your normal business, whatever that is for catholics these days. (Perhaps start a support group for abused children?)
It seems like only yesterday that I wrote about the ACL trying to force their opinion on the rest of the world. Oh, wait it was. I just can’t help myself when they release another ill-thought out media release.
MEDIA RELEASE
For release: 24 May 2015
The Australian people should have a say on same-sex marriage through a national plebiscite, according to the Australian Christian Lobby.
Why? There was no plebiscite when the government amended the marriage act to exclude same-sex couples from getting married. We don’t have plebiscites on any other issues.
ACL Managing Director Lyle Shelton said he respected Prime Minister Tony Abbott and Opposition Leader Bill Shorten’s view that marriage was probably not an issue for a constitutional referendum.
“Probably not” – I don’t think it’s probable at all. There is no constitutional change, unless you’re trying to insert something into it?
“However, changing the definition of marriage in law is a monumental and very divisive issue with big consequences.
How? Allowing same-sex couples to marry won’t fundamentally change anything, it will just allow adults to marry whomever they wish. How is that divisive? And what are the big consequences? Has New Zealand disappeared up its own long white cloud? Has Canada stopped exporting maple syrup? Has the UK stopped ruling the waves? Has Ireland disappeared overnight? No. Let’s just say some whacky things and hope nobody notices what a monumental cock-up this media release is.
“The people should have a say through a plebiscite before it goes back to the Parliament,” Mr Shelton said.
It’s still not clear why you would advocate for such a thing Lyle.
“Those seeking to change the definition of marriage always seem confident of public support. Let them put it to the test by asking for the peoples’ endorsement.
And then what? If we get 70% as the polls indicate what happens then? If we get 40% what happens then? Since when should the rights of people be dictated by others?
“A plebiscite would allow parliamentarians to then cast their votes in Parliament guided by the will of the Australian community.”
Strange as this may sound, our parliamentarians seem quite able to cast their votes now without a plebiscite, that’s how it works. We elected one of our community to represent our views in the parliament so that we don’t have to keep telling them what to do every time a vote comes up. I suspect, more to the point, a plebiscite would allow the christian right to put their case. Can you imagine the rhetoric? It’d be about crazy things like “natural marriage” “think of the children” and something about gay people not being able to breed.
In designing the conduct of a plebiscite, Mr Shelton said two conditions should be laid out.
Modest but equal public funding for the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ case.
A prohibition on international donations.
Oh, so now he wants conditions least the big gay lobby should find big gay supporters to support their big gay weddings.
Plebiscites are non-binding but can help settle matters of great national importance, Mr Shelton said.
Hmmm… plebiscites help settle matters of great national importance do they? Wow. The power of the people! Since Federation we’ve had 3. The first two about 100 years ago were about military conscription and the last one in 1977 was about which song we should sing at football grand finals (and other times). Yes, I can see why Lyle thinks that they are useful for settling matters of great national importance.
It’s actually time that we got this off the table and simply amended the marriage act to remove the discriminatory language placed in there in 2004. To continue to treat part of our society as second class citizens is wrong and divisive. Trying to suggest it needs everyone to have a say is just playing for time.
I’ve been in a very reflective mood today as I mull over the events of yesterday.
Two things happened. Bob Katter appeared on Q&A and as expected more or less said that there are no gay people in his electorate.
Ivan Hinton-Teoh returned to his home town to confront the past. He was a victim of homophobia in his small rural town.
Ivan is an online friend, we both have an interest in marriage equality, Ivan is the Deputy National Director of Australian Marriage Equality. His story is powerful and emotional. A story that needed to be told. It made me think about my own small town experience. It has awakened in me just how much I hated growing up. I felt I was surrounded by bullies and vilified on a constant basis at home and at school.
The home stuff was a lot about being teased. I was pretty good at teasing too and would wind my brothers and sisters up as much as they did me. What we didn’t know at the time was that I was gay. The best way to niggle at me was to tell me I was a poof. At one time my name was Gregory Elizabeth Storer. For a young lad trying to come to terms with his sexuality that sort of teasing had a lasting impact on me. There was no intent from my siblings to cause any damage other than normal sibling rivalry. I’m not trying to lay blame at all. I want to highlight just how easy it is to damage the young mind and how long it can take to undo that damage.
School was just horrible. From Grade Four I was labelled a poofter, well before I even knew what any of that meant. I was often the victim of playground taunts and bullying. That only escalated in Secondary School. By the time I reached adulthood I was doing everything I could to appear heterosexual. I lived a double life. I had a boyfriend and we would sneak away as much as we could. I would pretend to be straight for my family, my work, the scouts and the church.
I knew how bad it was to be gay, how we spoke about gay people. Religion, the community, my friends, they all despised homosexuals.
I suffered from my own personal homophobia. I hated the gay in me. I felt a cheat, a liar, dishonourable, fake and a freak. My personal integrity is key to my sense of self-worth, so being fake and dishonourable weighed heavily on my mind.
At times I wanted to die. Often.
I was well-regarded in my small town. I was even made Young Citizen of the Year. On the inside I would be arguing about how much I would be hated if only they knew that I was really a homo.
It took a long time, a lot of money, a shitload of personal reflection for me to work out that the public me and the inside me could be joined together. I didn’t need two sides of me.
In fact, if you don’t mind me stroking my own ego, I am honourable, reliable, decent bloke. And I am that because my key value is honesty. Above all else I hold that to be significantly important to me.
I was devastated last night watching Q&A to witness the blatant disregard that Bob Katter has towards gay people.
How devastating to listen to a squabble about gay people on #QandA – resilience wearing thin
As Josh Thomas was taking him to task Katter was unable to even look at him. Here is Katter talking about the importance of mental health for farmers and he is completely unable to acknowledge that gay people exist and at times suffer great mental anguish, something that he has had a hand in creating.
We really shouldn't need a bloke like @JoshThomas87 to take on Bob Katter. This is 2014 not 1950. Time to represent all, not just farmers
It is his attitude and those of people like him that allows him and our society to marginalise and vilify people just like me. It is people like him that I went to school with that picked on me and thought it was all in good fun.
It is people like him that even now cause me uncertainty. Every day I have to deal with what I tell people. Will they treat me differently if they know I’m gay? Do I tell them? What would the ramifications be? I’m trying to do a job here and it shouldn’t be an issue. Do I come out to that contractor? How much of a friendship do I want with that supplier? Is that a look of contempt from a colleague because I’m gay?
More and more now I simply don’t care, people can like it or lump it. But a lifetime of checking oneself is hard to simply give up in 10 short years. How much of it is in my head? How much is real?
So that’s me. I have resilience and support. I have a great well of support, my husband, my children, my family, my friends, my work-mates. Despite the odd bit of insecurity, I know who I am, I’m not afraid to tell you and will even take you to task at the drop of a hat. But imagine being young, searching, unsure. If you are gay and trying to understand yourself and how you fit into this society then last night’s program may have had a negative impact on you.
If you’re a Bob Katter then you need to watch what Ivan has to say. You need to feel his raw emotions on display for the world to see. You need to see his vulnerability. Because Ivan is the young gay kid in every rural community struggling to make sense of himself in a world created for heterosexuals.
Thanks Ivan.
This is mental health week – take care of your mental health. Be aware of other people’s mental health.
You never know where your homophobic attitudes will land.
If you need to talk to someone about mental health, please phone Lifeline on 13 11 14.
I’m reliably informed that the AFL grand-final was held very recently. Apparently somebody called Hawthorn won. I’m delighted for them.
Clearly my interest in the footy is as close to 0 as possible.
After the game, a famous person, Rob Mills tweeted a photo of a two plastic Lego type toys, a Sydney player bent at the waist, while a Hawthorn player stands behind him, it’s meant to represent them engaged in a sexual activity.
I saw it and sort of laughed at it, juvenile humour and really not very funny.
Other people saw something else in it. Calling Mills homophobic.
I don’t think he’s homophobic. I think he got a bit carried away and didn’t think it through.
There’s such a wide-ranging debate going on about what he did and how we respond. As with any conversation about behaviour, the community, that’s all of us, need to work out what our standards are and have a frank and open conversation about it.
I’m inclined to think that there is an undertone to the image that needs further exploring to understand its meaning.
The use of the toys really represents the victorious team humiliating the vanquished. This is represented in a sexual manner. That is a representation of power over the weak. Domination through sex. It is implied that this is not a consensual act.
And there is the problem. While this was probably the furthest thing from Mills mind, he has essentially made a rape reference.
The homophobic slur comes into play because that ‘power’ is demonstrated through a forced homosexual act.
I sort of resent that. The implication that sex is a way to ‘celebrate’ the win by forcing the loser into a ‘detestable’ sexual act as a further way to obtain dominance and gratification.
Mills has done the right thing, he deleted the tweet and he has apologised. A decent apology with meaning and understanding. He knows he made a mistake.
I certainly don’t feel vilified. I’m not upset. But rape is not a laughing matter. No matter what the joke is.
Sex is fun, I know, I’ve tried it a few times. Everyone has a different standard when it comes to behaviour, jokes and ethics. But what do we as a community think the standard should be? Where is that line between humour and offence? That’s the topic of conversation, not whether we can hound somebody who made a mistake. The error has been pointed out and make good has been done.
Let’s keep the conversation going, this representation of domination through sex is important as we deal with family violence, rape and the victimisation of women.
We owe it to all of us to stand up for a good decent human standard that means all people are respected and treated with respect. We owe it to those that are in abusive situations and victims of violence to say that it’s unacceptable.
For seven days, our niece Abbey sent letters to the Prime Minister of Australia, Tony Abbott, requesting that he change the law on marriage to allow Michael and me to get married to each other.
Today she received a response! She called me straight away to tell me that she had some good news and some sad news.
The good news was the PM had written back to her, the sad news was that he wasn’t going to change anything.
We talked about the sad news and I said that I didn’t think it was all that sad. We already knew that he probably wouldn’t change his mind, but I encouraged Abbey to think about the impact she’s had. Her friends are talking about it, she managed to reach hundreds of people by writing her letters and then some other people also wrote letters. It was good for her to hear about the influence that her efforts had, and we talked about how important it is that people just like her let people just like Abbott know what she’s thinking. It’s how we bring about change.
Here’s what Tony Abbott wrote:
Dear Abbey,
Thank you for letting me know your views on same sex marriage.
I appreciate you letting me know about your own family. In my family, I have a sister with a female partner. My sister’s partner is a loved member of our family.
While I respect your views on same sex marriage, I hold a different view.
My personal position is to support the existing definition of marriage.
The Government supports the current definition of marriage contained in the Marriage Act. Any change to this policy would be a matter for the Coalition Party Room.
Thank you again for writing to me. I wish you well in the future.
January 30, 2014
Stoneridge Estate
Queenstown, New Zealand
I ask everyone here today to witness that I Gregory Paul Storer choose you Michael Nathan Barnett to be my legal husband.
Michael, when we started our relationship, my online profile said that I understood my place in the Universe and that I was looking for the right person to share it with. I said that mental voids need not apply.
You have been able to challenge me, reason with me and help me grow into a different man. I have changed. I am now a wonderfully happy person, in love with a wonderfully happy person. You are no mental void but a man brimming with integrity, honesty, openness and love.
Michael today we face each other, I get to look into your beautiful eyes, watch your wonderful face and tell you why I’m here.
You know that I love you. You know that despite all the wrongs in our world, all the things outside our control and all the things that we control that I willingly look at you and say you are the one that I want to be with. You are the one that I choose to spend my time with.
I smile when I see you. I look for you when you’re not here. I revel in sharing the outdoors with you. I delight in our conversations about the world.
We walk through the bush and climb to the top of mountains and look in awe. These are times together that make my heart go zing. You make my heart go zing. It’s doing it right now.
So, today, with my heart going zing, I have surrounded myself with love. I have taken the most important people in my life and brought them here. I want the love that surrounds me, the love of my closest brother and sister, the love of my wonderful children, the love of my best friends, I want this love to surround me and I want it to surround you.
You too have brought to this place those you love, you have surrounded yourself with love.
There is here today over 200 years of marriage between our friends. We are engulfed by love.
I stand before everyone here to say to you that I love you.
We are a married couple. He is my husband. For me it was important that I find a way to say to my family, my friends, and the rest of the world how important this relationship is to me. What better way to share the way I feel about Michael than a public declaration of my love for him. What better way than marriage to say to this key person what he means to me.
